Needs, Expectations, Preconceptions

Needs,  Expectations, Preconceptions

We often go into situations with an unconscious agenda, that may help, or hinder us.  When we meet, interact, and connect with other people, what are we carrying with us that may effect the outcome?  Like an actor excavating a character’s motivations…we too  may benefit from taking a look at what we are bringing to the table.

Having recently moved to a new local, after decades in another, I find myself in the exciting, unsettling, stimulating and unnerving position of meeting new people for work and play, in business and friendship, absorbing information, directions, feedback and attitudes, in a place where the style, mores, frame of reference, and even the food, are different then what I am used to in ways both drastic and subtle.

Resisting the temptation to howl in the wind…I tuned in, and became aware of attitudinal dangers and pitfalls.  Braving  the entwined dragons of fear and self-consciousness over and over again,

I began to get a handle on what we carry in our

,

and how it could be affected by our

.

I saw that it was easy, especially in a new and challenging situation, to come to an interaction with a sense of need, whether conscious or not…a sense of wanting reassurance, validation, support, or affirmation..or guidance, information, direction or referrals.  There is nothing wrong with having needs or wishes.  It is how we are made.   We WANT …and we NEED…

However, “wishing doesn’t make it so….”. If we come in with expectations, we are bound to be disappointed.  Having expectations of others may cast a long shadow on our interactions with them.

The answer is not to wear a mask, or hide our light under a bushel….or muffle who we are.

We just need to know that other folks are dealing with their own kettle of fish.  We  have no idea where they are coming from, what they have experienced, or what they, themselves are wanting, or needing, or even expecting from others, from the world, from us.   It  makes

who we are, we are all informed by our own past, our own family, our own hereditary. We are the products of our culture, our era, our genetics.

.

Even if we think we have a handle on our needs, and have let go of our expectations, we may still discover that we have preconceptions of others, that might bring us confusion, get us into trouble, or lead to let down, hurt or outrage.  We may find ourselves reacting to people based on their appearance, the sound of their voice, their profession, family background or public persona, We may find ourselves drawing conclusions we don’t even know we are drawing, and then having to erase them.

I have found that as I meet,  interact and connect with people,  it is helpful to try to be aware of the needs that I carry, the expectations I bring, and the preconceptions I observe myself having, most often based on insufficient data.  Increased awareness creates increased consciousness and self-empowerment, and thus greater self-responsibility, empathy and kindness.  When we are, as the French say, “bien dans la peau”   (“Well within our skin”- IE, Comfortable within ourselves)

We cam be  better to and for others, for the world- for ourselves.

The transformation of raindrops into rainbow…

is what I  hope to deepen and sustain….as I spread myself through this thing called Life, and attempt to span the sky.

What about YOU?

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It must be unsettling to be in a whole new area with it’s own subtle and not so subtle culture differences, vibes and newness. I know you will thrive navigating this! I recently made a new friend who is from Manhattan and I see her moving through the same issues as she settles in here. Can’t wait to see the fun things in store for you!

    • Thank you Marie…nice to hear from you! The experience is exciting and stimulating, as well as challenging, all at once. There is so much to thrill in design, architecture, and the visual arts, and of course…color!


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