Needs, Expectations, Preconceptions

Needs,  Expectations, Preconceptions

We often go into situations with an unconscious agenda, that may help, or hinder us.  When we meet, interact, and connect with other people, what are we carrying with us that may effect the outcome?  Like an actor excavating a character’s motivations…we too  may benefit from taking a look at what we are bringing to the table.

Having recently moved to a new local, after decades in another, I find myself in the exciting, unsettling, stimulating and unnerving position of meeting new people for work and play, in business and friendship, absorbing information, directions, feedback and attitudes, in a place where the style, mores, frame of reference, and even the food, are different then what I am used to in ways both drastic and subtle.

Resisting the temptation to howl in the wind…I tuned in, and became aware of attitudinal dangers and pitfalls.  Braving  the entwined dragons of fear and self-consciousness over and over again,

I began to get a handle on what we carry in our


and how it could be affected by our


I saw that it was easy, especially in a new and challenging situation, to come to an interaction with a sense of need, whether conscious or not…a sense of wanting reassurance, validation, support, or affirmation..or guidance, information, direction or referrals.  There is nothing wrong with having needs or wishes.  It is how we are made.   We WANT …and we NEED…

However, “wishing doesn’t make it so….”. If we come in with expectations, we are bound to be disappointed.  Having expectations of others may cast a long shadow on our interactions with them.

The answer is not to wear a mask, or hide our light under a bushel….or muffle who we are.

We just need to know that other folks are dealing with their own kettle of fish.  We  have no idea where they are coming from, what they have experienced, or what they, themselves are wanting, or needing, or even expecting from others, from the world, from us.   It  makes

who we are, we are all informed by our own past, our own family, our own hereditary. We are the products of our culture, our era, our genetics.


Even if we think we have a handle on our needs, and have let go of our expectations, we may still discover that we have preconceptions of others, that might bring us confusion, get us into trouble, or lead to let down, hurt or outrage.  We may find ourselves reacting to people based on their appearance, the sound of their voice, their profession, family background or public persona, We may find ourselves drawing conclusions we don’t even know we are drawing, and then having to erase them.

I have found that as I meet,  interact and connect with people,  it is helpful to try to be aware of the needs that I carry, the expectations I bring, and the preconceptions I observe myself having, most often based on insufficient data.  Increased awareness creates increased consciousness and self-empowerment, and thus greater self-responsibility, empathy and kindness.  When we are, as the French say, “bien dans la peau”   (“Well within our skin”- IE, Comfortable within ourselves)

We cam be  better to and for others, for the world- for ourselves.

The transformation of raindrops into rainbow…

is what I  hope to deepen and sustain….as I spread myself through this thing called Life, and attempt to span the sky.

What about YOU?

Slowing it Down to Move it Forward

Slowing it Down to Move it Forward

It may feel counter-intuitive, but more and more often,  I find that the best way to move “it” (aka: life, work, even relationships) forward, is to slow down, perhaps even STOP, take a breath, look inwards, or outwards, rally my forces, or let it all go, for just a few moments.

Like the old story of the tortoise and the hare, sometimes,“slow and steady” really does do it.

Sometimes when we slow down, we a find that we actually reach our goal more quickly, exceeding expectations, and enjoying a richer, more luxuriant experience.

In business for ourselves as artists, we may worry, as we work on a project and  near  its completion, that we are not meeting our bottom line…that time is “getting away” from us, that we under bid, over worked, or otherwise miscalculated our efforts and agreed-upon compensation.

That is exactly the moment to  STOP, take a breath, recalibrate, recalculate. Of course we need to make a living, to  be aware of  our bottom line, and consider our contract. But, at the same time, if we allow that to get in the way of our soul’s delight in what we love to do, then the whole enterprise can fall into question.

Instead, we can learn the creative, artistic, and business  lessons that each job, each experience, and each project offers,  and especially in those last few hours, minutes, and moments of completion, take joy in what we do, while exerting our best efforts.

Because, sometimes we need to see the parts,

in order to appreciate the whole.

Sometimes we need to slow down, even STOP,

to get the shot, the concept,  the bigger picture, the Moment: something wondrous, wonderful, and unexpected.

Sometimes we need to STOP and observe, from our own vantage point, what is around us, and feel what is inside of us.

In order to make ourselves whole again, we may need to STOP  for a moment, to realize where we have come from, how far we have traveled, and where we are going.

In doing so, we may find that we have come

full circle.

If you have the Time, please STOP! and share some of your experiences slowing it down, to move it forward.

And thanks for visiting…we are all in this thing called Life, together.

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